The Phrases from My Father That Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You need support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider inability to talk between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."